Remembering Benjamin Bakst - One Year Later

This is a movie dedicated to the memory of my brother Ben. On March 13, 2007 he was in a head on collision in Placerville, CA with someone who was driving too fast and talking on a cell phone while she was driving. His Pathfinder rolled into a ditch and he sustained a head injury. After going to the doctor, they concluded that he had sustained a concussion but was otherwise in good health. His behavior become increasingly unpredictable and bizarre and then after a scuffle with law enforcement on March 21, 2007 he ended up in jail. This was NOT my brother. Healthy Ben would never have done something like this.

After a plea bargain, he was released on August 28, 2007. He was very stressed about being released which was totally understandable. While jail is NOT a pleasant place by ANY means, it is structured and your day is planned out for you. (*Disclaimer: he was incarcerated in a jail in a VERY small town). In his letters I received while he was in jail, he told me that he was "thriving" there. It was then that I knew he would be in trouble when he was released. And I told myself that once he was released, he would be in trouble again within a week, but I didn't know how MUCH trouble.

I spoke with my father on September 1, 2007 and he had told me to call Ben and talk to him, as he sounded very down. Without getting into details, I put aside the anger I felt at him at that particular moment and gave him a call. When he answered, he just didn't sound like the Ben I remembered. He was monotone and quiet and just...not right. I told him that he was strong and would persevere. He asked about my daughter and I told him that she had just learned how to say "mama". We said our "I love you's" and hung up. I stared blankly at our cordless phone, which stays illuminated for approximately 15 seconds after you hang up and I said out loud "That's the last time I will ever be able to speak to him."

On September 2, 2007 at about 4 in the afternoon I received a phone call from my father. It started out as a normal phone call, and then he asked me if I was sitting down. That was ANYTHING but normal for him to ask me that. His first words were "Ben is dead, OK?" Of course I collapsed on the ground screaming and crying, but in the end my father told me that Ben had jumped off a bridge in Auburn at about 7 in the morning. Without even being told the name of the bridge, I Googled "Auburn bridge" and saw the Foresthill bridge and I just KNEW that was the one, even before the coroner told me so. The bridge is 730 feet tall, so Ben really did his homework. He left notes behind, and this is the one that they found at the scene in his motorcycle screen:

"Hopefully I have summoned up the courage to jump by the time someone is reading this.
Please call the police and give them this note.
My father's name is _________. His phone number is stored in my cell phone which is in the storage box on the back of the bike. My keys should be in my pockets.
My fingerprints will be in the system for a positive ID. I would truly appreciate it if my father didn't have to identify remains.
On second thought I'm going to call the police myself. Therefore I can provide my fathers contact info. Please also communicate that I have left several notes in my room at the Crossroads Motel in Rancho Cordova.

So even up until the very end, he committed a very selfish act in the most UNselfish way possible. He made sure my family didn't have to identify him, which does show that even in a moment of complete insanity, there was some shred of sanity left. I later found out from the coroner that when he called 911 he told them he had seen someone ELSE jump off the bridge.
Depression DOES kill. Even through Ben's sunshine disposition that he showed everyone was a tortured soul underneath who hid his demons well. My first video has touched many, and if my work can save another life, then my labor of love is a success. Do those that you love, and those that love YOU a favor and GET HELP!!