How does it feel?
Thinking to yourself "Kmart underwear is not so bad."
Wanting to paper clip your stack of papers together and having no paper clip, but then you find one under the bed of the house you are staying in and you are grateful.
Calling AT&T to change your mailing address and having them tell you they need the three-digit number after your phone number on your bill in order to talk to you. But your bill is in the ashes of your house, and they refuse to change your address because you cannot produce that three-digit number.
Every agency and company you call to change your mailing address tells you to do it online but you no longer have a computer and they act surprised.
Not knowing your own phone number after living in the same place for 22 years, and having to hold up the line while the store manager investigates your temporary checks.
Suddenly being a renter after being a homeowner for almost 30 years and having to ask your landlord for permission to install cable.
Getting a free pencil from a donation center but you have no pencil sharpener so you carry it around for a week until you can get a sharpener.
Waking up four to five times a night remembering more things that you lost and feeling like you have been punched in the stomach, but at the same time being grateful that you are all alive.
Being able to move into a house carrying all your belongings either on your body or in a file folder.
Going to Raley's and having to leave because you are overwhelmed with the thought that you need almost everything on the shelves.
Desperately trying to turn back time so you could grab just one more thing with sentimental value.
Wondering if you should rebuild and live in a neighborhood with no trees or just leave the hill because you cannot afford a house that is already built.
Coming back to your rental house and finding computers, bikes, towels, clothes, and other things left by anonymous donors.
Not knowing how to thank all the people who came out of the woodwork to find out what was needed and then making sure you got it without expecting anything in return.
This is how it feels to be a fire victim.
John and Susan Hartzell
South Lake Tahoe
